


if i

by joydecoy



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: M/M, i just needed to cry over taehyun don't talk to me, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 08:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11157624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joydecoy/pseuds/joydecoy
Summary: sungwoon’s still gripping on to taehyun’s hand tightly under the chairs, when BoA calls his name for 3rd place.





	if i

**Author's Note:**

> im emo over taehyun and this was completely written on my phone so there might be errors
> 
> #justicefortaehyun

sungwoon’s still gripping on to taehyun’s hand tightly under the chairs, when BoA calls his name for 3rd place.

he catches taehyun’s face crumbling before he can duck his head down, and tries to school his own features into surprise and something resembling joy. he tries to yell happily, and it convinces everybody else, even when his own voice cracks a little and taehyun has his hand in a death grip.

he hugs taehyun tightly, tries not to start crying, and makes his way to the 3rd place seat. it’s a magnificent view up there, but he can’t enjoy it when his mind is still reeling over taehyun.

taehyun, who was so talented at dancing and choreographing. who got more screentime than him. who was supposed to make it. who was supposed to be in his place right now.

BoA asks taehyun how he feels about not making it, and sungwoon wants to scream. he wants to raise his hand and volunteer to change places with taehyun, change the whole fucking system if it means taehyun makes it. but sungwoon just sits there, rooted to the spot like an idiot, staring as taehyun takes the mic and speaks calmly. 

sungwoon can see the tremble in his hands, in his words, but he can’t do anything to stop it. he squeezes his own eyes shut, tries to tell himself that all of this is just one fucked-up nightmare and when he wakes up, they’re still happy.

they don’t look at each other. sungwoon can’t handle it, not yet.

everyone’s dismissed before he knows it, and he’s already running as fast as he can, down the stairs and past the other trainees to taehyun. he can’t breathe, just clings on to taehyun and lets himself cry.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” he chants, burying his face in taehyun’s shoulder. he feels taehyun’s shoulders shake, but when he looks up again, taehyun’s smiling, eyes shiny with tears. sungwoon can’t help his own tears that are already flowing out.

“it’s okay, don’t cry, everything’s fine,” taehyun’s voice is thin and a little warbly. he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself, and sungwoon just grips him tighter.

“i’ll avenge you. i’ll lead a revolution against mnet and get you back on the show.” sungwoon whispers back, tries to aim for humour but falters at the fond look on taehyun’s face. neither of them are particularly emotional or sentimental people, really. they don’t talk about the thing between them, or the way hotshot is struggling, but just once, just this once, sungwoon allows himself to break.

“you’re gonna avenge me by getting into the final lineup, okay? you’re gonna be fine, we’re gonna be fine,” taehyun whispers back. tears are already running down his face, and it brings sungwoon back to the first ranking performance, when none of this ever happened.

“everyone’s gonna call you a crybaby again,” he teases, wiping away taehyun’s tears with his thumb. 

“fuck them.” taehyun declares, and sungwoon chokes out a laugh.

the producer’s calling them to wrap things up, but they don’t let go of each other, not yet, not so soon. sungwoon thinks of the empty bed tonight above his, the silence that it’ll bring, and he holds back a fresh wave of tears. the others are already calling for him to go, but he can’t bear to leave taehyun behind. 

“hey, one more thing before you leave,” taehyun starts, and he leans in, places a quick kiss on sungwoon’s mouth before pulling back. it’s just a quick press of lips against lips, but sungwoon’s heart does a somersault in his chest.

“you have to avenge me, alright? no more tears, sungwoon-ie,” taehyun says, smiling. sungwoon nods back dumbly. it’s a wonder that he can still smile at times like this, but he was always the stronger one out of the two.

“now stop crying and go. i’ll text you when i get back to the dorms, and you better answer,” taehyun’s scolds lightly as he hugs sungwoon tightly, and sungwoon takes the time to savour it before taehyun’s pushing him towards the doors.

“i won’t let you down!” he yells loudly even as he walks away, and the other trainees laugh, but taehyun rolls his eyes and waves back anyway.

“you better!” taehyun shouts back. sungwoon nods, and as he walks out the filming site for good, he closes his eyes and makes a promise.

for hotshot, for himself, for taehyun.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, kudos and comments are v v appreciated !! hmu on tumblr @joydecoy


End file.
